Dear Professor Blackstone,
My name is Kai Sheng, I graduated from Nanyang Polytechnic with a diploma in Medicinal Chemistry, and I am currently pursuing Bachelor in Civil Engineering in SIT. The reason for this huge change in the field of study is simply the lack of interest, and there is this quote that always resonates with me "Time you enjoy wasting is is not wasted time" by Marthe Troly-Curtin. Therefore, I decided to try engineering, which was strongly related to mathematics, and solving mathematical problem is something I enjoy.
Having ISTJ as my personality trait, I like to spend time alone during my free time. Some of the things I enjoy doing are going to the gym, play mobile games, listening to music and sleep. I personally feel that doing these things makes me feel at peace and brings about benefits too.
One of my strengths is being able to stay calm in a messy situation which allows me to maintain my composure and think straight. I am also very meticulous in every task that I do to deliver an up-to-standard result, and always ensure that I am well prepared before any presentation.
However, there is one weakness that makes me feel inferior compared to most people, and it would be the lack of confidence to speak in front of a group of people. Even though I often step out of my comfort zone, I inevitably return to it. Hence, I hope that this module can shape me into a more confident person and speaker.
Best regards,
Kai Sheng
Letters read: Chermaine, Yizhe, Wen Han, Zenden
Hi Kai Sheng, I really enjoyed reading your introductory email. I got to know you a little bit better on what your hobbies are and what you do in your free time. Amazing use of the MBTI personality trait to describe your personality, it is unique and interesting. Maybe an explanation on what ISTJ is could aid the reader in knowing what it stands for?
ReplyDeleteHi yizhe, thanks for your feedback. Yes I agree that i could have elaborated on my personality trait as it's hard for readers to understand with the letters without brief explanation.
DeleteTo Kai Sheng:
ReplyDeleteOne factor I noticed is that the use of tense is correct throughout, for example the use of past tense for the timeline in polytechnic, and present tense for the rest of description for the ongoing life. As for the content, the depth of your letter is quite detailed and I am able to relate and picture it in my mind. For example the strengths and weakness. However, maybe you can dwell deeper into your hobbies and give some examples.
Hi Kai jie, thanks for your constructive feedback. Yes, I should have elaborated more on my hobbies and maybe state how it will help me relax during my free time instead of just stating what I do.
DeleteHi Kai Sheng,
ReplyDeleteI think your letter is well-written, clear and concise about your academic background, hobbies and your strength and weakness in communication. It offers a detailed insight of who you are and its interesting to read. Overall this letter allowed me to get to know you better and I wish you all the best in achieving your goal of this module!
Hi Charmaine, I appreciate your constructive feedback and your thoughts towards my self intro letter.
DeleteHi Kai Sheng,
ReplyDeleteYour letter effectively conveys your background, interests, strengths, and goals, but it could benefit from greater clarity and polish. The introduction is clear, though the explanation of your field switch and use of the quote could be more concise. Your strengths are well-articulated, but the discussion of your weakness could include strategies for improvement. The hobbies add personality but could be tied more directly to your academic or professional growth. Minor grammatical errors and informal phrases should be revised for a more polished tone, and transitions between sections could be smoother to enhance readability and flow.
Hi Wen Han, I appreciate all the constructive feedback and solutions that u have given me. I agree with all the mistakes you pointed out and will definitely do better when writing the next letter.
DeleteDear Kai Sheng,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this clear, concise and informative letter. You address the points of the brief fairly well.
You address, for example, how you changed your major study focus from chemistry to engineering, and you explain that in good detail. I also appreciate you sharing openly about "Having ISTJ." I had to look up that acronym, and now I better understand why in class you seem extremely shy. I'm happy that you have taken the chance when given to voice your opinion and to read aloud.
In your letter, you also explain that you are "very meticulous in every task ," and I look forward to seeing you demonstrate that in the upcoming submissions.
In terms of your language use, this letter is a good effort. There are, however, a few areas that I'd like you to take note of:
1. ... there is this quote that always resonates with me "time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time" by Marthe Troly-Curtin. > (sentence structure)
...there is this quote that always resonates with me: "Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time" by Marthe Troly-Curtin.
2a. Therefore I decided to try engineering, which was strongly related to mathematics and solving mathematical problem is something I enjoy. > (lack of appropriate commas)
Therefore, I decided to try engineering, which was strongly related to mathematics, and solving mathematical problem is something I enjoy.
2b. One of my strengths is being able to stay calm in a messy situation which allows me to maintain my composure and think straight. I am also very meticulous in every task that I do to deliver an up-to-standard result, and always ensure that I am well prepared before any presentation. > (missing comma in the first instance and a comma not needed in the second)
3. Some of the things I enjoy doing are going to the gym, play mobile games, listening to music and sleep. > (lack of parallel structures) ?
I look forward to working with you further this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Thank you for your feedback and pointers for improvements, I will definitely take note if I were to write a letter next time!
DeleteDear Kai Sheng, It would actually be good -- when you have a spare 15 minutes -- to revise this letter. That will be a better learning experience for you in this assignment.
DeleteThanks in advance.